Utter Dependence & Access to Life – Part 2

baby sleeping closeness leilazamoramoreno

Cesar – 1,5 months young

This is a continuation to Utter Dependence & Access to Life | Part 1

In my previous blogpost I mentioned how the first three months were the hardest, as my baby needed my constant availability to meet his needs.

Here, I faced an interesting point, because even though no-one can deny that it is physically intensive to tend to another being 24/7 for three months, it wasn’t the physical ‘toughness’ which hit me the most – but the mental wall I hit.

I was in a constant friction between meeting my baby’s needs and meeting my own ‘needs’.

Practically speaking, all my needs were actually taken care of. I had a comfortable room, I got access to plenty of food and water, I was able to rest for moments and tend to my hygiene.

The ‘needs’ which weren’t getting met where my mental needs. These were the collective of all the things I believed I ‘should be doing’ and ‘should be getting’. I thought it was wrong to spend every moment of every day tending to my baby. I needed to ‘do something’, I needed to ‘be productive’. In how I was raised, much emphasis was given to the value of achievement and producing tangible results. Not only at home or in school, but also in the general system/society we’ve set up. Unless you’re doing something productive, unless you are contributing (in the sense of how ‘productivity’ and ‘contribution’ are defined within material accumulation) – you are useless and you must be lazy/evil/selfish. We see this in the way the labour system is set up – unless you are working and you are employed and functioning as a ‘human resource’, you will not receive (sufficient) income to live a dignified life.

I was restless, I shouldn’t have to be taking care of this ‘needy’ being. I should be doing things, making things. I honestly believed that these ‘urges’ were a reflection of positive ambitions within myself, that I was ‘wanting to be a good person’ and ‘contribute to the whole’. But then why was I stressing out so much about it, why was this restlessness almost painful?

As I looked deeper into my ambitions, I noticed they were not in fact ‘positive reflections’ of who I am, but were actually stemming from deeply negative fears and feelings inside myself. I wasn’t truly interested in being ambitious and being productive, I was driving myself to be so in order to get away from the dark nagging feeling inside myself, that if I were not to pursue these ambitions, that if I were not to be ‘productive’ = that I will be rejected, that I will be ostracized, that I will be excluded from the community, from society and be left to fend for myself. I was afraid that ‘Who I Am’ as a being is not enough, and that it is all about ‘what I do’.

I tried to push for being productive, for engaging in ‘work’ – to show my value, to show that ‘I am needed’ and not completely useless. But for me to pursue this, I had to compromise my baby’s needs. I had to ignore him to ‘get to my own things’. And he grew increasingly unhappier and unhappier. Inside myself, I was feeling more comfortable, because I was engaging myself, the fear of being useless wasn’t so prominent – but now I am in a situation with a deeply unhappy baby; and so inner conflict and turmoil still remained, they just shifted sides. I managed to appease my inner reality, but now my external reality was in distress.

So, tired of all the conflict, friction and turmoil – I took a moment to stop, to pause and re-evaluate everything which I was doing and how what I was participating within was affecting my child.

My inherent fear that who I am as Life is not good enough, was a belief so entrenched within myself that I felt the need to constantly prove my worth. In doing so, I was consequently no longer meeting my child’s needs in order to appease my own fears and self-worth insecurities. But within doing so, I was creating an environment for my child where HIS worth, HIS value was being undermined. He was in agony, his needs are not being met – are his needs not worth of being met? Is his Life not valuable enough to be completely secured?

Unintentionally, by wanting to avoid my own sense of worthlessness, this was exactly what I was creating for my child.

Problem.

I was (and still am) in a unique situation. I live with a group of people who can support me and the livelihood of my child and myself where my financial stability remained the same whether I was being ‘productive’ or not. I had a choice. I did not have to insist on working, I had in fact the choice to dedicate myself to taking care of my baby completely and absolutely, without this compromising my livelihood.

So I made a decision. I will be there for my baby, absolutely.

Obviously this is easier said than done. As I was living the decision to dedicate myself to my baby absolutely, many fears, insecurities, frictions and doubts would still rise up. These were deeply ingrained within my unconscious mind from my own upbringing. The only way I could stand by and live my decision, was to investigate all the thoughts, emotions and feelings which would come up, to forgive myself for them and let them go. The only way I could state and secure my child’s worth in this world, was by stating and securing mine (which honestly, would have been a lot more difficult, if not impossible had it not been for the supportive environment I live in).

I had to redefine worth and value for myself, to see, recognize, realise and live the worth and value of taking care of another being, another life – who as a baby was completely helpless, dependent and physically incapable of any ‘productive input’. Yet when you look into a baby’s eyes – you know, you see that they have the right to life, you know they have the right to be here and live a fulfilling life. Yet despite this knowledge, we’ve somehow still managed to create a world system and environment which constantly pushes people to the brink of survival, constantly pushing people to compromise on living for the sake of acquiring just the necessary resources to ‘make it another day’. A system that insists you are not good enough and need to constantly prove your worth, where you need to compete because if you’re not up for the job – well, you can simply be replaced.

For several months – I was no-one, I was nothing, I was just darkness. Who I was as the person I used to be and live, the personality I had accustomed to identify myself with as ‘who I am’ as all my hopes, dreams, fears and desires – was non-existent. There was a complete silence within myself. All I did was serve. I served my baby and his life in every moment of every day, and in doing so I served my own.

Is this the perfect way to come into being into this world? I would say no.

Looking at my son, he hated being completely helpless and dependent. He hated that his every need was dependent on a responsiveness of my own.

Is it necessary? At the moment I would say yes.

The manifestation of a baby as a completely helpless and dependent being – forces us to push to the absolute extreme realisation that we are in fact interdependent. That ‘no-one’ is an island. That every individual person’s actions affects the whole.

That for a child to come into this world and realise its utmost potential, we have to stand as the living example. If we want the child to grow up accepting and realising its self-worth, we must stand as an environment which resonates this. If a child comes into the world in an environment of compromise, of conditionality – then that is what the child will integrate and become. We can’t have one without the other. We can’t bring children into this world, seeing them as a fresh new start and believing it is ‘all up to them’ to make a brighter future. It is for us to set the foundation in place.

Does that mean that I will keep tending to my child’s every need into eternity and protect him from the outside dysfunctional world into eternity? No

The transition of the child to move from helplessness and complete dependence to one of being capable and independent (in so far that we can, really be ‘independent’) is a process. As he moves and grows, my services, my ‘interventions’ become less and less. My availability remains constant, but the frequency that this availability is being called upon diminishes and diminished overtime.

He learns that he is not dependent on myself as the mother with the breasts and the breastmilk to fill his tummy. There are other resources available. He learns that I am there when I need him which translates into self-confidence and self-reliance. He learns that he can give himself direction, but that I will be there when he finds himself in an unknown situation. From this unknown situation and my presence, his learns and integrates new perspectives which he next time can apply on his own.

Securing and dignifying his being, his presence and life – he learns that others deserve the same treatment. He learns to look at situations within the consideration of not only what is best for him but what is best for everyone.

There’s often a fear that gets expressed when seeing someone take care of a baby’s every need that he will become dependent, immature – emotionally attached forevermore. That we need to show the child that the world is ‘a hard place’, ‘that nothing comes easy’ and that ‘they better get used to it’.

This is a false dilemma – as if there is no other way than preparing your child for the harsh reality we live him by deliberately instilling a sense of insecurity inside themselves. We can in fact, provide a sound foundation in the child’s life – where his self-worth and self-appreciation is so absolute that no matter the challenges he or she will face in life, he or she will not doubt one’s ability to respond to these challenges – and to look, see and analyse any and all situations from a practical common sense perspective; rather than coming from a fear of losing its self-worth and seeing that self-worth being entirely dependent on how their external environment treats them.

Dependency, immaturity and emotional attachment come about when one’s self-worth is NOT secured, when one’s self-value is NOT dignified – and forevermore seek out confirmation from our environment that we are allowed to be here, that we are allowed to express ourselves. Every action, experience and move we make – is fear driven, driven by the belief that we are not worthy and dependent on others to give it to us.

(Funny enough, before I was cooking up this post I was reading a book about horses and the human-horse relationship, where their ‘fight or flight’ stress response was compared to that of a child where many similarities were found. Here a little snippet on the research done around this subject:
“Biological psychology researcher Megan Gunnar and her colleagues did infant studies that confirmed animal research findings. In their work, infants three months of age who received consistent responsive care produced less cortisol. Also, eighteen-month-olds classified as insecurely attached (who had received lower levels of responsiveness) revealed elevated levels of stress hormone.7 These same children at age two continued to show elevated levels of cortisol and appeared more fearful and inhibited. Again, these children were those who had been classified as having lower levels of maternal responsiveness.8 Other investigations have confirmed these findings.9 Dr. Gunnar reports that the level of stress experienced in infancy permanently shapes the stress responses in the brain, which then affect memory, attention, and emotion.10”
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_folden_palmer2.html

The horse book (Tao of Equus) also made reference to the work of Dianna Hine)

 

 

 

Utter Dependence & Access to Life | Part 1

father son newborn leilazamoramoreno

Here’s a picture of Cesar, just three days old on his first day home, at the farm.

He needed a little bit of sunshine to help filter out some excess bilirubin.

From being in the womb where his needs are constantly cared for as being a part of my body, he was now an individual being. One of the first things that struck me was the frequency of these needs, which were basically present pretty much *all the time* for about three months. In a way, looking at where he came from – it does make sense. In the womb, he had constant supply of nourishment, constant supply of physical contact (and the ease of peeing in the womb whenever it pleases him!).

The first three months of his life consisted of constant feeding, sleeping and nappy changes.

At first, I was doing everything ‘by the book’. Having him sleep in a crib, trying to keep his feeds apart, only nursing for x amount of time.

It was absolutely horrible.

He would nurse forever, literally hours on end, Once he dropped from my breast – I had to change his nappy because he’d usually excrete right after each feed. By the time the nappy was changed, he wanted to nurse again. Maybe now he didn’t poo or pee and I had an opening to put him in the crib. The moment his body touches the crib and my hands let go = he cries. The moment he is in my arms, he is satisfied, and looks to nurse some more.

During the day I was living in my rocking chair, during the night, not laying in my bed for more than 20 minutes at a time between long nursing periods.

I was exhausted, my body – my body burn out.

The paediatrician suggested I limit his feeds to 20 minutes only, make sure there is an hour in between.

I timed his feeds, I would struggle getting him to unlatch, I put him in his crib.

He cries, he cries and he cries.

My chest hurts.

It reminds me of when I was in the hospital, where they brought Cesar to me for a short moment to check if he had his sucking reflex before they quickly rushed him back to the nursery to keep an eye on his blood sugar levels.

When they gave him to me, and I embraced him and brought him to my breast. There was such an intense moment of calmness, wholeness, completeness, tranquillity inside the both of us. Alas, it only lasted for a split second – as the moment he latched on, they ripped him off to take him away. As they picked him up and took him away – right after that moment that our bodies stopped touching – he open his eyes and LOOKED straight at me, into me. His body, his eyes – everything was saying NO! – WHY?

I listened as I hear his screams fade as they take him away.

My chest hurts like all hell.

 

Anyway – back to the main story.

Suffice to say that the scheduled feeding did not last for very long.

Each time we’d follow the schedule – we’d wait 15 minutes: he’s still screaming his heart out.

30 minutes: he is still screaming his heart out.

45 minutes: he is still screaming his heart out.

1 hour: he is still screaming his heart out.

Now he gets his next feed.

We thought, well maybe it’s just these few times, we have to keep trying.

He would do it over, and over and over again.

Sure – he wasn’t feeding all the time, but I wasn’t getting any rest exactly either. My chest, my body would hurt so much hearing him want physical contact, closeness, nourishment.

I said fuck it – this scheduling is not working for me.

The tiredness, the physical exhaustion and pain – they were going to be there, there’s no point for him to suffer needlessly.

(The first three weeks, nursing was also incredibly painful, like no pain I ever experienced before. My nipples were completely destroyed, bleeding, crusty – then regenerated themselves being more pliable and soft at which point the nursing became painless – this pain factor also played a big role in trying to make the ‘scheduled feeding’ work).

So now I was back to nursing him pretty much 24/7.

Sleep was still an issue. He slept terrible in his cot. He only ever slept peacefully in my arms. I started reading up on co sleeping in the books I had. The issue was very controversial – constantly pressing on the danger of killing your child in your sleep. I looked only – again, most articles geared towards scaring death into you.

I found some material of mothers cosleeping. They did not experience any of the issues all those articles by professionals put forward. But how can I trust them? The scary, professional input seems so much more credible. But it wasn’t working, we weren’t getting any sleep.

So little by little, I would start nursing him in the bed at night and leave him to sleep with me. I made a firm decision within myself – to not move or do ANYTHING while sleeping. If I move, I must be awake. If he moves, I wake. If Gian moves, I wake.

Slowly but surely, the frequencies increased, slowly but surely, he was now always nursing and sleeping with us.

My God

What a relief.

How different things would have been if we had done this from the beginning.

In the womb, his needs were being met instantly, continuously without cessation. How could I expect him to behave any differently once outside of it? This was all he’d ever known.

Even now – when he is 2 years old – there is no ‘thought process’ involved in between his need and the expression of this need.

There is a need I experience inside my body – I express this need.

As a baby, he was utterly, frail and dependent. His only connection to life, the only thing keeping him alive, was the breast and warmth. This was his lifeline. When he has a need to nurse, he feels it, he experiences it in his body and he expresses it – who am I to say: No, you can’t have access to your life-line right now. That’s what happened that moment in the hospital. He had a need, he needed his connection to life – represented by the breast and the milk that flows from it. Milk freely produced by the body, milk which is always available, a breast which never runs empty.
And instead, he was taken away. And that’s when he looked at me with BIG EYES – eyes asking a question: WHY?

When we come into this world, our parents are our guides. Our parents are our examples from who we learn about the world around his and from whom we learn how to navigate in this world.
You trust they know best, they brought you into this world, you are a part of them.

So when we as a parent – advertently or inadvertently say NO to a child, say that ‘they cannot have access to Life’ – what does a child do with that information? Well the parents know best, there must be a reason why I am not deserving of life, there must be something wrong with me… And that is how we are all Born in Sin.

While nursing young Cesar, I was still busy studying economics. The resemblances and similarities in how we have set up and structured the world and how we set ourselves up and structured our approach to our children = it was flabbergasting.

We have a system where Money is one’s lifeline, one’s access to life. Yet – we do not give it unconditionally. The Earth, the Universe – everything is perfectly in place to provide abundance to all. Yet we withhold, yet we place conditions. Now we live in a world where everyone believes they are inherently dysfunctional. That it is normal to have to ‘fight for life’ – just as a baby kept screaming and crying for food and physical contact eventually gives up and gives in within the acceptance that struggle is an inherent part of life. Our inherent sin and dysfunction driving our every decision, our every move we make in life in a futile attempt to ‘redeem’ ourselves.

We believe it is normal to fight through another day, to demean ourselves and degrade ourselves just to get a job and have little bit of money to get by.

It is the Way of Heaven to diminish superabundance, and to
supplement deficiency. It is not so with the way of man. He takes
away from those who have not enough to add to his own superabundance.

Who can take his own superabundance and therewith serve all under
heaven? Only he who is in possession of the Tao! “ Lao Tzu – Tao Te Ching

To change the world, we have to start with ourselves. To recognize the Life Force within us, to recognize that Life is all around us and that we all Equally deserve access to Life.
It starts with a baby, soft, frail, weak – utterly dependent on its parents for its Life connection, and making sure that this connection is met and fulfilled. To be available to your child, always – as a statement that Life is available to you, through me. You are welcome and deserving, you are whole and complete.

The End and the Beginning

mother son birth leilazamoramoreno

Flashback…
Oh how I did not know what I was getting myself into! The last few months of pregnancy had been such a rough ride, I didn’t really care what was about to unfold – I was just happy that the pain and strain of carrying a baby inside was over. The few days at the hospital were nice for my body to recover but I couldn’t wait to get out and get the parenting journey started for real. Because Cesar’s blood sugar levels were low I couldn’t see him much as they wanted to keep close tabs on him. This was quite rough for me because I wanted nothing more than keeping him close to me and embrace his presence. Though in the moments that I had him with me I had so many insecurity and doubts about myself and how I would be as a mother that the slightest cry of him set off a tornado of conflicting emotions. I wanted him close – but I didn’t know how to soothe him, let alone direct all the experiences rushing around inside myself – being glad and sad when someone would come to take him off my hands.
Holding this new, frail life inside your hands, being completely dependent on you – it brings up so many experiences, worries, insecurities and doubts. It brings who you are and what you have been living into a whole new perspective, and the only way to go forward is to change all those parts of you so you can be in the best possible position to support another life. There’s really nothing quite like it. The responsibility is immense, the gifts that flow from it are great.

#flashback #birth #hospital #baby #firsttimemom #selfreflection #introspection #mother #newlife #dependency #responsibility #giftofparenting

Eentsy Weentsy Spider

toddler father spider spiderweb bugs leilazamoramoreno

Cesar has made a point of it to keep the spiders in the house well fed. He will look for bugs and bring them to us to throw in the spiders’ webs. The first time he saw someone feed a spider this way was when Kim Klein was staying in this very room. After realising that the spider was not a black widow but a harmless golden orb spider, Kim started working through her fear of spiders and making sure the ‘little’ guy got food. When she’d find a bug near its end, off to the spider it would go. This movement and decision within herself to ground herself in relation to spiders, in turn sparked something in Cesar to become curious about spiders as well. Finding bug food for the duckling, chick and spiders has made him very comfortable around bugs and picking them up. He then in turn pushes everyone around him to be okay with handling bugs as he isn’t tall enough to throw them into the spider webs. It’s interesting to see how the decision and change within one individual will spiral and ripple out to other people!

#spiders #bugs #insects #nature #circleoflife #change #selfmovement #contagious #transformation #oneness

 

Living Words with Dogs

dog toddler walking mountain dog leilazamoramoreno

Today Cesar decided to walk Snowy instead of Boeboe or Chimera. It is quite interesting to see how the walking experience becomes different, according to the dog he us walking. Boeboe has quite a natural tendency to follow and keep up with the group. Cesar can decide to just wonder his gaze around, spot bugs, stop to smell flowers and different plants – and then to be back on his way as Boeboe drives them both forward and with the group. Snowy however, likes to take things reaaaal slooooow. In a sense, Cesar and Snowy are quite alike in that they will take their time and just take in the environment. But with Snowy jot having this ‘drive’ like Boeboe, and Cesar being used to following Boeboe rather than being the one directing him — with Snowy they both just end up being distracted by their environment and both will just stand there not moving at all. Could see that Cesar was facing some questions as he hadn’t been in a situation where he must now actively direct the dog – a big slow fluffy dog in Snowy’s case. So will be interesting for the two of them to walk more together so Cesar can learn to balance his slowing down and way of absorbing everything with focus, direction and assertiveness when it comes to keeping the walk going.

#parenting #dogs #dogwalk #mountaindog #canines #lifelessonswithdogs #nature #balance #slowingdown #focus #direction #childhood

 

Expanding your World through your Child

toddler bug grasshopper awareness

Here, Cesar is tracking a youngster grasshopper, who is looking very yellow. Cesar’s been all about bugs these past weeks. He makes a point of it to fond every single bug in the room and when he finds a surprising one he will grab the closest person to come join in this moment of absolutely amazement with him. He is also learning a lot of bug names and about death – as many bugs that end up in human living environments tend to perish relatively quickly. When he finds a dead bug or one who is impaired and will die, he will give it to our resident golden orb spider, his gaze absolutely fixed and glued to the action of the spider prepping and eating the bug. If he finds them dead or impaired in Maite and Lj’s room, he will give them to the little chick and duckling to eat. In the fields he will follow and track bugs and observe whole ant nests as they go about their day. Simply because bugs have become a fascination for Cesar, I’ve become more aware of the bug and critter presence throughout my days. I love picking up on his fascination and making them my own. There’s nothing like finding an interesting bug he hasn’t seen before and showing it to him – a bug that I previously would have totally missed – and for him it’s a moment to see that whatever he is into: I will support, nothing is ‘too small’ or insignificant – and what he is into does not go by unnoticed.

#parenting #toddler #relationship #mother #insects #bugs #nature #fascination #obsession #whatsthatbug

Man, Know Thyself

horse horsemanship thorougbred child toddler parenting leilazamoramoreno

These two boys – I’ve learnt so much from them.
Both him and Charlie lack words, language to express themselves. When I am
facing an issue within their presence; I can’t go and have a discussion
about it with them. I can’t defer responsibility through eloquent, logical
debate – where I attempt to convince them of ‘my point of view’ and seek
agreement. I can’t go and tell them that ‘they’re the problem’, that they
are the cause for me experiencing ‘such and such’. In their presence, I can
only look them in the eyes, eyes as pools of reflection where I can’t go
anywhere but directing the focus back myself.
Through their non-verbal presence, I am forced to see beyond logic, to drop
all logic and ‘reason’ – and to actually SEE and LOOK at what I am
experiencing, how irrational that experience may be. To acknowledge that I
AM REACTING that I AM WITHIN AN EXPERIENCE. They cannot play a game of
debate and argument with me, they cannot provide for me the space to show of
my clever excuses, justifications and long thought over and mulled over
‘case’ that I built for myself to justify my experience and why I am
participating and creating the experience I am in. So all I can do is to
look and see inside, to acknowledge what I have created, to identify how I
have created it and let go of my desire to protect it and maintain it. The
moments that they are least cooperative and interested in being around me,
is when I am being dishonest about what is actually going on inside me and
seek to use them as a distraction. Their evasion, then only triggers the
matter to become worse and blows it up – so I can have a real good, hard
look at it. The moment I acknowledge my state of mind, they relax – their
interaction becomes open – because I am allowing myself to be open with
myself. They’ve thought me that no emotion or feeling is ‘bad’. Each emotion
and feeling is merely here to ‘tell me a story’, to teach me something about
myself that I have been missing. But as long as I suppress, deny and hide
the fact that I am in experience, I shut the door to the path of learning
and growth. I’m eternally grateful to these two boys – their patience and
forgiveness has been boundless.

Farm Work or Farm Fun? You Decide

digging hole father son farmlife leilazamoramoreno

Digging holes is laborious work, as many things are on a farm where physical
action is required to create new things or maintain current structures.
While on the farm, Gian has been exploring different ways of using his body
where he can get things done but move his body and actions in such a way
that they are sustainable and don’t burn him out.
When I venture on a new task on the farm, I’ll run by Gian to ask for
suggestions on how to best approach and execute the task, and he will help
me get my ‘technique’ right. His suggestions always remind me to respect the
real physical limitations and process that needs to take place, and to not
try and impose ‘what I want’ and ‘when I want it done’ on my reality, as it
only leads to unnecessary consequence.
The soil on the farm can be quite difficult to dig into us, as we have a
thin layer of top soil, some clay and then soon enough just hit rock and
slates.
We’ve been removing many invasive and non-indigenous trees, we’ve been
planting new trees indigenous to the area to provide shade and food for
birds and bugs. To get the earth lose, we first use a digging bar to split
the earth, and then dig up the loose soil with a spade. Then, there’s a new
hard layer to dig lose with the bar to then again dig up with the spade –
this goes on until we have a deep enough hole for the tree. Cesar is very
perceptive in picking up how people are using their bodies and in how far
they are in their bodies while doing a certain activity. Seeing Gian’s focus
and enjoyment of moving his body deliberately, within awareness – got him to
pick up the spade which Gian wasn’t using at that specific moment, and
started copying Gian’s movements and actions with the spade in the pile of
soil that was already dug up. When Gian had to go, I took over for a bit to
practice my shoulder muscles. All in all Cesar, kept digging with us for
quite some time, never getting bored because we didn’t get bored either.
When I felt I had to give my muscles a rest, I told him and we moved to a
different activity.

#farmlife @DesteniFarm  #digging #maintenance #trees #gardening
#nature #zen #momentbymoment #workout #awareness #body #toddler #parenting

— with Gian Robberts.

It’s all in the Smal Moments

father son toddler horse thoroughbred horsemanship equone leilazamoramoreno
Looking back at the beginning when I just met Charlie, we’ve come a long way. He was quite the angry, pissy horse – me the reserved and insecure girl. We went through our ups and downs together and both had to change a lot to make our relationship work. Seeing him with Cesar, being such a gentle beast – dropping his head so Cesar can stroke it, rubbing his head against his – it’s small moments like this that remind me of the path we’ve walked together. BACK THEN – I would have never been able to conceive being where I am at now. Even looking back, I feel like I missing ‘how it happen’ – as it weren’t any big steps ‘here and there’ – but small things, moment by moment. Changing something here, changing something there – that overtime accumulated into something completely new.
When we walk through life, we never really know where we are going or what we are creating down the line. I think if we knew, we wouldn’t even want to believe it!

So here’s to everyone making effort to make little changes in small moments: they do add up, and may the end result surprise you!

#change #relationships #horse #horsemanship #trust  #smallmoments #parenting #journeytolife #surpriseyourself

 

Parenting is AWFUL!

parenting is awful horrible leilazamoramoreno

On Social Media we constantly get bombarded with articles, quotes and images of ‘what it means to parent’, where the baseline mostly comes down to “children ruined my life but it’s the best thing ever that happened to me”. That last bit being a single sentence in a page long rant on how awful it is to be a parent. The other day I came across one such article something like “15 quotes which sum up parenting”. Each quote would point out something awful but then give it a quirky twist that makes it all ‘alright again’. Many of these “awful points” revolve around how we treat our children and the lifestyle we impose on them. Think ‘going to sleep at x time’, ‘having to eat what we feed you’, ‘not taking children serious when they throw a tantrum’, etc. When we follow and enforce a particular parenting lifestyle that over and over and over again brings us to a point of conflict – not only for ourselves, but our children too – shouldn’t we stop for a moment and question what we are doing? Shouldn’t we for a moment stop and check of there’s an alternative? If parenting is a life ruining mission, then something’s wrong. Whenever I find myself in a position of wanting to “fight” my toddler, I know I am looking at the situation from a skewed perspective – and need to consider all the angles available to me. Doesn’t mean that parenting isn’t tough – it takes a lot to dedicate yourself to the life of another person who is much less capable than you. But when it sucks all way around and the only consolation is that it sucks for others as well — we really need to have a look at what we are doing.

#parenting #parenthood #mother #motherhood #media #struggle #burden #awful #children #family #continuumconcept #startaskingquestions #paradigmshift