Words Create our World

words code source soul school of ultimate living leilazamoramoreno

Why do words create our world?

For everything that exists, we have a word. Words as concepts hold the essential information of what something is. We first have the idea/notion of a chair – and then we can create/manifest a chair according to our understanding/definition of a chair. When we encounter a chair, we can know it is a chair by virtue of the definition we hold about it within ourselves.

In a way, words as language, are the same as coding and programming languages. When we browse the internet, any page we enter or stumble upon has behind it a source code – just lots of text and characters that don’t make much sense unless you have some programming knowledge, which together define all the elements we can see with our eyes, their relationships to one another and all the different actions those elements need to perform on the page we’re on. What we see as visually appealing the webpage is held together and dictated by this source code, which is in essence words/text.

Say we see a blue button on the page that says ‘Next’.

The source code would contain information such as: blue button: colour=blue; width= so many pixels; height=so many pixels; link to=some hyperlink that is the next page.

Whenever we want to implement another such button on the page and have it be executable we can simply make reference to ‘blue button here’, and the button will act according to the same information above.

How is this information useful to ourselves as human beings, and how does this relate to words creating our world?

As individuals, we also each carry a ‘source code’ that together forms ‘who we are’, and who we present ourselves to be to the world.

Let me use myself as an example.

I’m Leila.

Leila in itself is a word placement to refer to myself as a name.

Leila is female. Leila is married. Leila is a mother. Leila wears glasses. Leila grew up in Belgium. Leila now lives in South Africa. Leila lives on a farm. Leila has two siblings. Leila went to university. Leila doesn’t like conflict. Leila likes animals. Leila’s favourite food is pizza. Leila works with graphical tasks on computers. Leila is shy when meeting new people, ….

Any person you meet, just like yourself, you can describe and ‘capture’ through the use of words.

So how do words define who we are and what we create in our world?

Let’s take the word female.

I am female. In terms of a dictionary definition, this merely means that: I am of the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs, distinguished biologically by the production of gametes (ova) that can be fertilized by male gametes.

Yet, through my upbringing and experiences as a child, the personal definition I carry may look something like this: being able to birth children, weak, fragile, submissive to men

Whenever I am confronted with the fact that I am female in my life (which would be a constant thing, being aware that I am a female at all times) – how I act, behave and see myself – is per my definition of the word ‘female’.

When I speak to another male, my automatic behaviour will be to present myself as weak, fragile and submissive; because that’s the definition I’ve placed for myself for the word ‘female’.

All the words we’ve associated and defined ourselves according to; contain specific information as ‘tasks’ that we perform and execute. Through our own personal life path and journey, we all contain different, personalized definitions of the words associated to ourselves. All these words and definitions together, define who we are, how we act, what decisions we make. A website is limited to perform only that which is contained in the source code, it’s predictable and limited to the range of code that backs it up. Depending on the extent of coding involved, we can have very elaborate websites. And depending on the soundness/effectiveness of that coding – the website will perform successfully/smoothly or poor/buggy.

How expansive and effective we are as a person, is just like a website, dependent on the words we contain and whether they have been effectively defined.

We may want a blue button on our website, but somehow it always shows red; because the source code wasn’t scripted effectively and defined it as such (red instead of blue). I may want to be a confident female, but as long as my source code as my definition dictates that a female is weak, fragile and submissive – I won’t be able to successfully be a confident female.

Within my parenting journey, I’ve found it imperative to investigate all the words associated with parenting, so that I can be the mother I want to be rather than the mother I’ve been conditioned to be.

During the first 7 years of a child’s development, most of our behaviour and personality is shaped. We are literal sponges that absorb everything coming our way and specify who we are and who we need to be to be able to ‘survive’ the conditions we’re faced with. This all happens on an unconscious level, where we are not involved in making conscious decisions about who we are and who we want to be – it all kind of just ‘happens’. Depending on the circumstances and events we face as a child, we will develop a particular personality. This is very well known in psychology, where clear patterns have been observed where adult abusers where once abused themselves as children. Or where children left in the woods, who by some miracle got raised by other animals like wolves – will show all the traits of ‘being a wolf’. What comes in when you are a child (input) will equal your behaviour and personality as an adult (output).

If you were raised with parents who were very anxious about the world, that the world is ‘not a safe place’ – you too will as an adult perceive the world as such and behave and make decisions accordingly.

Luckily, just as we can go back to the source code of a website and edit and correct any bugs or corrupted scripts; so too can we go back to our source code as the words we live and correct them, script them in a way that empowers us and allows us to live our utmost potential.

For more information on how to use words as a tool of self-empowerment and living your utmost potential, visit http://schoolofultimateliving.com/

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From Guilt to Accountability | Parenting & Emotional Turmoil

guilt accountability parenting emotional turmoil leilazamoramoreno

In this blog, I will be using the example from my previous post ‘From Anger to Integrity’, to elaborate on the regret and guilt dimension which played out in the scenario. Please read this blog first to gain full context.

So in my previous blog, we walked an example of how we tend to act while emotions are high, and end up regretting the course of action we took. This leaves a bitter taste in the mouth which we experience as guilt and regret.

Now, a fascinating thing with Guilt, is that we use guilt as a self-punishing instrument. The moment we act in a way which we perceive is wrong or contrary to our personal principles, guilt sets in where we feel bad about ourselves and feel ourselves being stuck in a rut.

What I noticed with myself, when taking a course of action with my son which I would regret – is that I would go through a period of feeling really bad about myself and putting myself down. However, as soon as another opportunity arose – it was very easy to make the exact same mistake again – only to be followed by another ‘guilt session’.

Within this, the act of feeling guilty and indulging in this experience was in essence ‘punishment enough’. Where I did something wrong, ‘paid for it’ – and was then able to once more go about doing as I please. We find this pattern in our own religious belief systems as well. We will go for confession and ‘confess our sins’ while feeling bad for it – be forgiven, but come next Sunday we are right back at square one asking forgiveness for the same sins.

In my parenting journey, it became invaluable to not remain stuck and indulge in an experience of guilt. Feeling guilty and deliberately prolonging the experience by participating in self-diminishing thoughts only places you in a position of disempowerment. How you’re ‘such a bad parent’ or ‘how inadequate you are’. These are all statements where we condemn ourselves to remain stuck, and define ourselves by our weaknesses. Instead, I learnt to listen to the message behind Guilt – which is that of Personal Accountability.

When I find myself feeling guilty after a particular action of behaviour, I check my actions and ask myself where, how and why I acted contrary to my principles. The experience of guilt lets me now that I strayed from my moral compass and that there is a lesson to be learnt. Instead of indulging and plunging in the emotional storm of guilt, I ask myself what course of action would have been appropriate. I immediately commit myself to live this this course of action as a correction and to remind myself of this particular weakness I identified within myself. The moment I embrace this commitment and set myself up for success next time around – any feeling of guilt disappears. So just like anger, guilt does not arise for us to punish ourselves and tell us ‘how bad’ we are. It’s a flag in our biofeedback system indicating that there is an improvement in our approach which needs to take place. Guilt lets us know we made a mistake. It’s an indication for yourself to take responsibility for your actions and to restore your trust in yourself. After all, nobody likes it when someone says ‘sorry’ but fails to follow through in adjusting their behaviour. What makes an admission of remorse real is not the utterance of it, but the actions which follow.

On another note – I have also experienced adjusting my behaviour and approach the next time a similar situation took place, but where instead of being clear inside myself, I would experience a sensation of discomfort inside myself.

Guilt is linked to our moral compass and comes about when we move in a different direction than the one our compass dictates. Yet sometimes (or for some maybe often), it is not the behaviour or approach we need to change – but the morals we were responding to. Our sense of right and wrong is established in our childhood years where we absorb what is right and wrong from our parents, family, school, friends – you name it. We often copy beliefs and morals believing they are ‘the right thing to do’ because others told us so, without checking whether we actually agree with these beliefs/morals. Often, these morals are imposed to use using some kind of emotional enforcement. If we don’t obey/comply to the morals set out for us, we get punished, excluded – leaving ourselves feeling alone and unaccepted. To avoid these experiences, we behave as we are expected to behave by our environment, and not because we agree with the morals presented to us.

Say your parents were very intolerant of any kind of crying in the house. Crying is seen as a form of weakness and not to be tolerated. When you were found crying you received comments to ‘man up’ and ‘get over it already’. Now, many years later you have a baby. Your baby is crying for no apparent reason and you pick your baby up to comfort her. While you are holding and rocking her, you feel guilty for ‘giving in’ to your crying baby. You think you are being weak and that indulging in comforting her will cause her to develop a weak and dependent character.

Now say that because of this, you promise to next time leave your baby to ‘cry it out’. The next time comes around and you leave your baby to cry it out. On the one hand you praise yourself for your discipline but on the other hand you feel very uncomfortable and sad about the whole situation.

In such a scenario (which I personally went through as well!), it’s important to take a moment to evaluate your compass. Do you really stand by the moral dictated by your compass? Do you really believe and stand by it? Or have you conditioned to stand by it to avoid uncomfortable experiences and criticism of others?

Here, it can be valuable to investigate your own childhood, to see how you responded to such an approach and whether it had the best possible outcome for you. You can for yourself, play out the future of your own child. If you uphold this approach and behaviour in the long-run, will you achieve the long term goals you have set for yourself as a parent as well as for your child? This can sometimes be difficult to emulate, as we often only tend to draw from our own experiences. If ignoring and suppressing crying is all you have ever known, it can be hard to imagine how things could have turned out if your parents had opted for a different approach. When I face an impasse like this, I reach out to other people and do my own research on the internet. Even if I am not sure of a new approach or suggestion, I will push myself to test it out unconditionally to see what the results are. Remember though that each person’s perspective and suggestions may not always work for you as not everyone finds themselves in the same situation, nor do we all have the same children. Find what works for you and be honest with yourself whether you are satisfied or not with the approach you are taking. This is part of being accountable to yourself. To be fully cognizant of the decisions we make and to be able to stand by them. All too often I found my parenting mistakes to be rooted in copied beliefs and morals from my own parents, media, schooling etc. This is in part what I love about my parenting journey. To constantly assess and evaluate any ‘hidden’ beliefs or morals, to check whether I agree full heartedly with them – and to change them if need to be. As a child,I lacked the autonomy and skill to establish these for myself. As an adult with my own child, I am bound to revisit these and can filter out the junk and keep what’s good.

 

Farm Work or Farm Fun? You Decide

digging hole father son farmlife leilazamoramoreno

Digging holes is laborious work, as many things are on a farm where physical
action is required to create new things or maintain current structures.
While on the farm, Gian has been exploring different ways of using his body
where he can get things done but move his body and actions in such a way
that they are sustainable and don’t burn him out.
When I venture on a new task on the farm, I’ll run by Gian to ask for
suggestions on how to best approach and execute the task, and he will help
me get my ‘technique’ right. His suggestions always remind me to respect the
real physical limitations and process that needs to take place, and to not
try and impose ‘what I want’ and ‘when I want it done’ on my reality, as it
only leads to unnecessary consequence.
The soil on the farm can be quite difficult to dig into us, as we have a
thin layer of top soil, some clay and then soon enough just hit rock and
slates.
We’ve been removing many invasive and non-indigenous trees, we’ve been
planting new trees indigenous to the area to provide shade and food for
birds and bugs. To get the earth lose, we first use a digging bar to split
the earth, and then dig up the loose soil with a spade. Then, there’s a new
hard layer to dig lose with the bar to then again dig up with the spade –
this goes on until we have a deep enough hole for the tree. Cesar is very
perceptive in picking up how people are using their bodies and in how far
they are in their bodies while doing a certain activity. Seeing Gian’s focus
and enjoyment of moving his body deliberately, within awareness – got him to
pick up the spade which Gian wasn’t using at that specific moment, and
started copying Gian’s movements and actions with the spade in the pile of
soil that was already dug up. When Gian had to go, I took over for a bit to
practice my shoulder muscles. All in all Cesar, kept digging with us for
quite some time, never getting bored because we didn’t get bored either.
When I felt I had to give my muscles a rest, I told him and we moved to a
different activity.

#farmlife @DesteniFarm  #digging #maintenance #trees #gardening
#nature #zen #momentbymoment #workout #awareness #body #toddler #parenting

— with Gian Robberts.

Get Creative

toddler father tent creativity leilazamoramoreno

With Cesar having lots of energy and eager to learn and explore – we must constantly push ourselves to be creative and create new things for Cesar to give him something to focus on and investigate. Our first tent was us simply sitting on our bed with my head creating a little tent space, but this quickly became too small. We have some plans to build Cesar an actual tent in the room, but we still need to get some more materials. Now we created an interim tent, with his old cot, which we made into a little couch as the base and an old sheet and some sticks to keep it up. So far Cesar is enjoying his little space!

#toddler #parenting #creative #creativity #explore #tent #play #hideout #mother #motherhood #parenthood

Slowing Down

toddler stroller field parenting leilazamoramoreno

Walking my process and journey with Cesar for the past two years has really pushed me to slow down within myself and my physical reality. Especially in the first few months and year – slowing down was essentially ‘forced’ upon me as I had little time or space to give attention to anything but my direct environment, which mostly meant Cesar and giving my body rest.
As I would have more time available, I could notice immediately jumping into hyper-drive within myself, being rushed and stressed in whatever I was doing – being very much in a state of mind of ‘getting things done’. Where if I spend time with Cesar, time moves soooo slooow. And the moment I get to do something else, I get all jumpy inside myself and time moves way fast. So I have been pushing myself to take the grounding and slowing down experience in being and walking with Cesar, and to push myself to take on that same point of stability inside myself with whatever else I am doing. And while it looks and sounds like I am ‘losing out’ in moving slower, I’m actually paying more attention to what I am busy with — and don’t have to deal with accumulated energy within myself at the end of the day that is seeking to be released. 
Sometimes it’s a matter of making the decision to slow down, other times I need to investigate why I am purposefully moving fast and address the underlying cause behind it.

#parenting #slowdown #mindfulness #awareness #zen #momenttomoment #breathe #relax #stress

Living Like There’s No Tomorrow

We had a nice bout of rain that came over the farm and Cesar is enjoying some of its drops.

It’s frustrating to see how green and full of blossom everything gets only to be scorched down by the sun a day or two later. Yet, at the same time – I see a point of courageousness in nature, as it simply takes the rain as it comes and immediately expresses itself to the FULLEST.
The trees, plants, grasses, shrubs – they don’t know what the weather is going to be like a day from now, a week from now, a month from now. If they can express themselves fully, they simply do it. They may not be here anymore a week from now, but that is irrelevant to them.
It forces me to look at myself and my life and whether I am giving my ALL in every moment, living my fullest potential, applying myself absolutely — regardless of the future I may or may not face.
Plants, nature – they are completely dependent on the weather and availability of water. Their continued existence is never certain. The same goes for us humans – we are absolutely dependent on so many factors and variables in our environment for our continued existence – which may or may not be in place in the future.
Life on Earth is frail, it is vulnerable – so many things our out of our control. Nothing is guaranteed.
All that is certain, is the moment we are in. Are we living, applying and expressing ourselves fully, regardless of what may or may not be coming our way? Or are we limiting ourselves, our living, our application – for a “sunnier day”? This day may never come.
Live your utmost potential in every moment, the moment we are in is all we have. Don’t wait for tomorrow, as tomorrow may be too late.

#nature #earth #zen #zenkids #awareness #abundance #expression #parenting #motherhood #lessonsfromnature #weather #ecosystem #makethebest #liveyourpotential #beallyoucanbe #dontwait #posteponement #livenow #soul #schoolofultimateliving

Picking Up Poo is FUN

toddler cleaning stable horses leilazamoramoreno

Cesar and I went for a walk in the horse camps, when Cesar decided he wanted to pick up poo. He was picking up poo in front of the stables so I directed him to a stable that hadn’t been cleaned yet. He handed me some gloves, I handed him a bucket – and we cleaned up the whole stable. I used to clean a stable every day and it took me some time to get over the “work” element that I had attached to task. I would clean Charlie’s stable in the morning and it was mostly the “morning” factor contributing to resisting cleaning the stables, where I didn’t allow myself to wake up effectively bit instead stayed in the drowsy zone and wanting to go back to sleep. Then I pushed myself to just do the stable and it actually became a nice part of my morning where the simple task of picking up poo and sorting through hay to get the pee hay out had some sort of meditative quality. I the task is a “no brainer” so it was nice to just move my physical body and not burden myself withing anything inside myself but the simple task of cleaning a stable. This would then set set a calmness and stability in place for the rest of the day, while gently warming up my body to get ready for the day.
I enjoy these moments with Cesar where we can clean a stable just for the sheer fun of it, reminding me to not take simple activities and tasks for granted.

#toddler #baby #parenting #stableboy #horses #cleaning #meditation #awareness #osho #zen #farmlife @destenifarm #eqafe

Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles!

bubbles breathing awareness parenting leilazamoramoreno

We’ve been blowing a lot of bubbles lately. Tonight Cesar kept pointing at one of the bubble bottles, pleading for some more bubble time. Inside myself I went “what? Not again!” But instead I took a deep breath and said ‘Ok,let’s do this’ as there was no reason not to do it other than me simply not wanting to. We ended up having lots of bubble fun for more than an hour. Instead of ‘just doing more bubbles’ I started paying attention to how the bubbles would change with how I would change my breathing and different ways of blowing. Making really big bubbles I had to actually use my abdominal muscles quite a bit to get a lot of air in my lungs and keep the blowing steady. I had to practice blowing just gently bit more to push the bubble out floating before it would get too big and pop. As the bubbles were getting bigger and bigger Cesar got more and more excited – fun for the both of us. After this simple bubble blowing awareness sessions breathing was a lot more grounded and stable as I was still holding my awareness in my abdomen and lungs. Who knew such such a tiny decision would give you your day’s work out with some added grounding!
Expect the unexpected on the adventure that is #parenting.

#toddler #baby #bubbles #breathing #awareness #exercise #beyondcomfort #desteni #eqafe

The Physics of Punching

punching toddler boxing boxingbag leilazamoramoreno

Cesar asked Gian this morning to put up the boxing bag.
We had to add some rope so the bag could hang a bit lower so Cesar could have a better reach. Cesar enjoys punching and pushing the bag at different intensities and then quickly runs and giggles away as the bag comes swinging back to get him.

Sometimes he’s too slow, sometimes he’s focusing on our facial responses to him – checking if we’re as excited as he is about what he’s doing, that he forgets to keep his focus on the bag which then bashes into him and sweeps him off his feet… Babies and toddlers love to learn, and here Cesar is learning all about the world of physics. He’s not just “punching a bag”, but playing with how hard he can push it, how hard will it swing? Can he get away fast enough? What if he pushes again as the bag is swinging back and forth? And of course he learns about his mind and physical consequence: What happens when I am too busy trying to get a positive reaction and am no longer aware of my physical environment? KABOOOM!!!

#toddler #baby #punchingbag #boxing #physics #learnthroughplay #scienceisfun #awareness #toddlerpsychology #play #explore #parenting #motherhood #parenthood #positiveparenting #desteni #eqafe

That’s not my job!

toddler dog bowls

Here Cesar is attending to another one of his response-abilities that he has made his own. Every day as we walk past or go into the main house, Cesar makes a point of it to spot the dogbowls on the floor from the dogs their last feed. He picks them up and puts them on the dogfeeding table, readily available for the next feed. This reminded me of Bernard saying how one must be careful about seeing something which needs to be done, where we see/perceive it as ‘work’ or ‘not my task’ / ‘not my responsibility’ and so will leave a point undirected, even when it is in our ability to respond and direct it. As long as we keep to doing the bare minimum, that which we think is ‘ours to do’, we will never move reality past what it is today.

I’ve found that when I resist doing simple physical actions which require my attention, i am stuck in some form of ambition rooted in self-interest. “I need to do more important things, I have no time for this”. Within this trying to achieve or reconfirm some idea or personality of myself. It’s cool to see how children have no concept of ‘work’ , they only see individual actions or tasks at hand. They don’t mind helping with laundry, picking up a broom and sweeping for an hour, even though the entire room just got swept. They are not wondering about “the more important things they could be doing instead”. We are here, day in and day out, breath in and breath out – what is there to achieve?

#toddler #lessonsfromchildren #zenkids #parenting #parenthood #motherhood #mother #responsibility #livingwords #example #mindlessness #awareness #desteni