Why does Emotional and Feeling Turmoil Exist?| Parenting & Emotional Turmoil

becoming-aware-of-the-mind

In my previous blog I gave an example of how the beliefs we hold inside ourselves as ‘truth’ and ‘fact’ determine our perception and so the actions we take in response to what we perceive is happening.

So how do emotions and feelings as emotional turmoil fit into this picture?

What I’ve noticed with myself, is that whenever I hold a belief inside myself through which I perceive and act through – some form of emotion or feeling energy will emerge inside myself.

In the beginning of the series I had shared how I was going through a lot of emotional turmoil inside myself in the beginning phases of my parenting journey. When I finally had ‘enough’ of this hectic experience inside myself, it wasn’t that I was telling the emotional turmoil to just ‘stop it’; rather; I dropped the beliefs which I was holding on to which were creating emotional turmoil inside myself.

When I noticed this, I started to be more aware of the slightest movements inside myself – to challenge myself to see whether what I was experiencing was a reflection of the ‘reality I was in’; or whether the experience was there because I was holding on to an inaccurate view of reality and myself. Throughout time, this conclusion was affirmed time and time again.

When I would say be angry at my child, the situation wasn’t demanding of me to be angry – rather, I was perceiving reality in such a way that I believed anger was the appropriate response. The anger didn’t emerge and rise inside myself for me to act out on; the anger emerged to say ‘Hello, there’s a misalignment in how you’re perceiving your reality – you need to check what belief you are holding on to which is causing you to think and act inappropriately’.

I noticed that every emotion and feeling, and every single nuance that exists of it, would contain a specific message – a specific door that needed to be opened and for me to look into, a door to myself wherein I could see and assess what ‘guidelines’ as beliefs, ideas and perceptions I had set myself up to act in accordance to; beliefs, ideas and perceptions which would lead to disharmonious outcomes inside myself and my outer reality if I decided to act on them.

Have you ever noticed how uncomfortable fear, anger, anxiety, restlessness, excitement, adrenaline are experienced inside yourself and your body? It’s because they’re within their very nature disharmonious – and arise for us to reflect on ourselves, so we can ask: where we are being disharmonious inside and with ourselves? I’ve been a very emotional person throughout my life, and I never liked it. I don’t like the feeling of having this energy inside myself that I cannot direct and don’t know what to do with. That I can’t see or think past anything but what I am experiencing as the emotion or feeling presiding in that moment. I would avoid so many situations, especially social ones – simply because I knew I would be going through emotional turmoil inside myself, that I would not know what to do with it or how to direct it and so I rather not place myself in those positions at all. I absolutely hated these experiences coming up inside me, and being a slave to them. Not being able to do things that I wanted or with the confidence that I wanted, because so many things would trigger an emotional response inside myself that I decided that it was simply ‘not worth it’.

As a mother I hated it even more. I love my son to bits and I want the best for him – yet, I experience all these conflicting emotions and feelings inside myself. When I act on them I regret it as soon as the moment as past.

Learning that emotions and feelings are not here to limit us, but here to guide us, show us how we decided to diminish ourselves through inaccurate beliefs, ideas and perceptions about ourselves and the world – has been one of the greatest gifts received in my life. I don’t have to fear emotional turmoil. If emotional turmoil comes up in one way or the other, I can simply look at the message behind it, change my attitude and approach from limitation to empowerment: and the turmoil disappears.

All those emotions and feelings you battle with within your day to day living, they don’t really want to be there! They’re coming up to ask you to pleeeasse have a look at how you are living, how you are perceiving yourself and the world around you – and to make a change so they may disappear and you may leave in peace with yourself and your environment.

What’s more – is that as you become attuned to your own emotions and feelings and what they are trying to show you, you will be able to create a more effective and intimate relationship with your child. As a parent you may have noticed that a tantrum doesn’t come in a ‘single package’, but that the way children, toddlers and babies ‘act out’ differs from moment to moment, situation to situation. When we become attuned to how we’ve allowed ourselves to live by a limited version of ourselves, we can assist our children in showing them how they can empower themselves through conflicting experiences. With my own son who is but a toddler, most if not all of his tantrums manifest not because of a disharmonious perception on this side, but where he ‘acts out’ to reflect back to me where I have not been true to my utmost potential, and allowed limiting ideas and beliefs to control me, which also determine how I approach my son.

Besides my own emotional turmoil being there to guide me, I also have my son as an external reference to show me where I am going off path.

So if you can relate and find yourself going through your own experiences of emotional and feeling turmoil – then that’s great! Because guess what? It simply means there’s still a better, more improved version of yourself to be discovered and lived!

 

Slowing Down

toddler stroller field parenting leilazamoramoreno

Walking my process and journey with Cesar for the past two years has really pushed me to slow down within myself and my physical reality. Especially in the first few months and year – slowing down was essentially ‘forced’ upon me as I had little time or space to give attention to anything but my direct environment, which mostly meant Cesar and giving my body rest.
As I would have more time available, I could notice immediately jumping into hyper-drive within myself, being rushed and stressed in whatever I was doing – being very much in a state of mind of ‘getting things done’. Where if I spend time with Cesar, time moves soooo slooow. And the moment I get to do something else, I get all jumpy inside myself and time moves way fast. So I have been pushing myself to take the grounding and slowing down experience in being and walking with Cesar, and to push myself to take on that same point of stability inside myself with whatever else I am doing. And while it looks and sounds like I am ‘losing out’ in moving slower, I’m actually paying more attention to what I am busy with — and don’t have to deal with accumulated energy within myself at the end of the day that is seeking to be released. 
Sometimes it’s a matter of making the decision to slow down, other times I need to investigate why I am purposefully moving fast and address the underlying cause behind it.

#parenting #slowdown #mindfulness #awareness #zen #momenttomoment #breathe #relax #stress

When you’re being challenged

toddler playing challenge leilazamoramoreno

The other day we were busy blowing bubbles outside (surprise!) and Cesar was indicating that he wanted to be the one managing and holding the bubble container and bubble blower, so that my only job was to blow bubbles.

He wasn’t paying much attention to how he was holding the container with all the liquid and would once in a while spill some and eventually pour out the entire content.

I would fill it up and try my best to explain to him how to hold the container so it won’t spill/go empty.

While I would be explaining this to him, there was a tension within myself as I knew that we only have ‘so much bubble liquid’ where I tried to make bubbles with other soaps we had and it didn’t work – so I knew that ‘this was it’ and there would be no more liquid for making bubbles if he kept pouring it out and insisting on having it refilled. So here I was coming from a fear of how he would act/react once we get to the inevitable situation where there is no more bubble liquid and so I was trying to prevent it by trying to get him to not spill/pour it out. When I noticed that I was coming from a fear I once again explained to him that we can keep going like this but that at one point there will be no more liquid to refill the container and then that will be it.

So we continue filling and pouring and filling until I added the last bit and showed him that there was ‘no more’. After which he right away threw it out all over the ground, asking for more. Then I told him, look, this is the moment I’ve been telling you about where we just can’t fill it up anymore

And then he gave me this face of like “okay”. Put the bubble container down and went off to playing with something else.  LOL

I was so scared of what would happen, but he just ‘got it’ and moved on. While everything leading up to that moment and me trying to explain and ‘reason’ with him — he was just not interested in taking my word for it and was intent on playing this refill and pour out action out to the end. And I’m actually quite happy that he did , because he should not have to take my word for it and should test things out to come to his own conclusions.

#bubbles #toddler #testing #parenting #motherhood

Brainwashing through Books

books reading toddler leilazamoramoreno

It’s Cesar ‘s birthday soon and we went to buy him some books on his grandmother’s behalf. Finding and picking out books is each time quite a lengthy process because so many of the books out there are simply not the type we want to expose him too. Almost every book we pick up is trying to ‘teach’ the child something – and within how the words are placed,are trying to entice an emotional reaction within the child to have him or her adopt this lesson. One book for instance was all about toilet training. It shows how the boy can take off his own pants and do everything on his own with lots and lots of praise and each time emphasising how he is SUCH A BIG BOY!!!! Now if you’re a child who is not yet doing all these things are maybe you are doing these things – what type of influence does this sort of #praise have? You are a BIG BOY when you are able to pee in the toilet by yourself, but if you are not then obviously your are only small boy. When praise is used like this, it seems like a positive approach, but it’s really just a form of polite shaming. A lot of these books use pretty words and pictures but at their core are only trying to demean the child to control and conform him to some type of behaviour. It’s really sad.
#inneedofsomecommonsense
#toddler #baby #books #manipulation #emotional #control #behave #parenting #motherhood #mother #positiveparenting #continuumconcept #eqafe #desteni

Bubbles, Bubbles, Bubbles!

bubbles breathing awareness parenting leilazamoramoreno

We’ve been blowing a lot of bubbles lately. Tonight Cesar kept pointing at one of the bubble bottles, pleading for some more bubble time. Inside myself I went “what? Not again!” But instead I took a deep breath and said ‘Ok,let’s do this’ as there was no reason not to do it other than me simply not wanting to. We ended up having lots of bubble fun for more than an hour. Instead of ‘just doing more bubbles’ I started paying attention to how the bubbles would change with how I would change my breathing and different ways of blowing. Making really big bubbles I had to actually use my abdominal muscles quite a bit to get a lot of air in my lungs and keep the blowing steady. I had to practice blowing just gently bit more to push the bubble out floating before it would get too big and pop. As the bubbles were getting bigger and bigger Cesar got more and more excited – fun for the both of us. After this simple bubble blowing awareness sessions breathing was a lot more grounded and stable as I was still holding my awareness in my abdomen and lungs. Who knew such such a tiny decision would give you your day’s work out with some added grounding!
Expect the unexpected on the adventure that is #parenting.

#toddler #baby #bubbles #breathing #awareness #exercise #beyondcomfort #desteni #eqafe

Bathtime = Funtime!

toddler bath happy leilazamoramoreno

 Cesar being super excited about his bath. I very rarely take a shower or bath on my own. Cesar enjoys showers and baths so much, it seems to be kind of pointless to exclude him when we can have fun together. In the beginning it was a bit more difficult when his mobility was limited, but now I wash him and he washes me. He hand me my shampoo bottle, my brush. He operates the shower head for me and pours water over my back in the gentlest way – and then we take turns. He also brings me toilet paper and will flush the toilet for me. He gets me a new roll of toilet paper in my hour of need as someone forgot to replace the roll. While for some it may seem inconceivable to have your child around you pretty much all the time since birth and participate in all the things you do – they learn so much and it becomes such an enjoyable relationship and experience for the both, making life so much lighter and easy going.

#bathtime #baby #toddler #children #farmlife #family #parenting #motherhood #mother #positiveparenting #continuumconcept #eqafe #desteni

Talking Back

toddler hanging seat leilazamoramoreno

Today Cesar wanted the boxing bag gone and his hanging seat set up instead. Every day he is finding more ways to communicate and he finds it such a joy when we respond and understand what he is talking about – though he still mostly communicates through body language as his vocabulary is still quite limited. It’s quite funny to see how he copies our own body behaviour towards the animals like dogs and horses to communicate with us and direct us. When he was a tiny baby I couldn’t wait for him to start communicating as it was clear that a lot of his frustrations came from not being able to express his needs. I heard a lot of complaints from parents about the ‘talking phase’ where it is made equivalent to the start of ‘talking back’, as the child starts expressing resistance more profusely. I’ve found that when Cesar acts this way he a) is on a lot of pain and ‘gatvol’ of it – his self – control reaching low levels or b) I put myself in ‘power struggle-mode’ where I am attempting to control him and am reacting within myself instead of responding. His behavior then shows that there is something out of alignment within myself which is causing a point of disharmony in our relationship,a big red flag showing me that there is something I need to look at. Just as with my horse,I used to dread these type of conflicts until I learnt to embrace them as learning opportunities. Instead of seeing resistance or tantrums as something that needs to be fought off, I’ve learnt to use them as gateways to fine tuning my relationship with Cesar.

#toddler #baby #expression #communication #parenting #motherhood #positiveparenting #continuumconcept #desteni #eqafe #tantrum #talkingback

 

The Physics of Punching

punching toddler boxing boxingbag leilazamoramoreno

Cesar asked Gian this morning to put up the boxing bag.
We had to add some rope so the bag could hang a bit lower so Cesar could have a better reach. Cesar enjoys punching and pushing the bag at different intensities and then quickly runs and giggles away as the bag comes swinging back to get him.

Sometimes he’s too slow, sometimes he’s focusing on our facial responses to him – checking if we’re as excited as he is about what he’s doing, that he forgets to keep his focus on the bag which then bashes into him and sweeps him off his feet… Babies and toddlers love to learn, and here Cesar is learning all about the world of physics. He’s not just “punching a bag”, but playing with how hard he can push it, how hard will it swing? Can he get away fast enough? What if he pushes again as the bag is swinging back and forth? And of course he learns about his mind and physical consequence: What happens when I am too busy trying to get a positive reaction and am no longer aware of my physical environment? KABOOOM!!!

#toddler #baby #punchingbag #boxing #physics #learnthroughplay #scienceisfun #awareness #toddlerpsychology #play #explore #parenting #motherhood #parenthood #positiveparenting #desteni #eqafe

Sleeping Schedule?

baby toddler sleeping toy tractor leilazamoramoreno sleeping schedule

We haven’t given Cesar a sleeping schedule since he was born. I remember how much I hated having to go sleep when I wasn’t tired. Just lying in bed waiting to fall asleep. It ends up making you want to sleep just to get a break from this absurd world.

Lately, Cesar has been showing and telling us when he wants to go sleep, and he puts himself to bed when he knows he is tired. And he simply wakes up when his body his rested. He doesn’t follow a schedule, he just listens to his body. Initially I had some reservations towards living this way. How will he learn ‘to go sleep’? Are we making him dependent? I believed he ‘needed to be taught’. This kind of reminds me of how wild and young horses are broken through force until they submit. They have now learnt to ‘behave’. I’ve realized that with Cesar, there was nothing to be taught. He is aware of himself, he is aware of how his body feels, he is aware of the consequences that set in when he pushes his limits – and so he learns to listen to his body and act accordingly. It’s such a simple point, yet we’ve created rules, methods and techniques around these things, making everything so complicated. And in a world where the majority live by these rules and defend them at all cost – it can be daunting to go against the established paradigm and instead follow your own voice.

Parenting and being with Cesar – it has forced me to question everything, as parenting and one’s childhood form the foundation of our lives. I never thought I’d come across so much madness, every single component of parenting and being a child has been perverted and twisted to the utmost degree. While the problem is enormous – I equally see the vast potential. And man, we CAN create Heaven on Earth if we set ourselves to it. If we move to change ourselves and transfer this gift to our children – we can live in a better world in no time. Parents – you have all the power: use it for what is best for all life

#toddler #sleeping #sleeptraining #cosleeping #sleepingschedule #desteni @eqafe #continuumconcept #positiveparenting #bethechange #betterworld

Drumming

toddler drumming leilazamoramoreno

Cesar has reached a new level in his drumming experience, where his legs and feet are now strong enough to operate the kick drum. He gets into it so intensely, that the beater on the pedal would rebound kicking him in his shins. Even though it’s quite painful, it doesn’t stop him from going at it.

I’ve been enjoying the process of drumming with Cesar. Initially I was a bit reserved about the whole point because “I don’t know how to drum” and believed that I needed some form of expertise and theoretical knowledge to make the drumming a worthwhile experience. As we first started off, I was playing with him quite clumsy because I was working on pieces of information that I remembered here and there about drumming and things I remembered from music school. This was not at all enjoyable as I was approaching the whole drumming process from an intellectual approach instead of just a doing and being approach. So the one day I looked at Cesar and his sheer enjoyment of doing whatever on the drums. Unconditionally testing out each part, each sound, different beats. In his head there was no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way of drumming, there’s just him being here and having fun. Seeing this, I decided to give myself a second chance, to learn and enjoy drumming in the same way as Cesar was drumming, uninhibited by intellect. Now we each just start with one sound, one beat and we just move with whatever comes up inside ourselves. Within this we can get to some really nice harmonious beats and sounds. With every session we do, we never know what’s going to happen or how it’s going to come out but always turns into a delightful surprise.

This is another fun side of parenting, where in the moments or activities you least expect it, you can practice letting go of the mind and practice just being here and allowing expression to just flow through yourself.

#drumming #kickdrum #babydrum #toddlerdrum #bassdrum #rythm #beat #music #trance #expression #enjoyment #parenting #continuumconcept #positiveparenting #desteni #dip #motherhood