Not Sharing the Whole Story

toddler hiding crying leilazamoramoreno

Cesar has been going through some new developments as of late. When he goes through an experience of being ‘wronged’, he’ll run off to the closest person to cry and complain about his great misfortune. While he cries and moans, he’ll only give ‘his story’, only sharing a part of what happened, and leaving out any information indicating how he played part in creating the story, how he contributed to his own misfortune. If the person is aware of what happened and what the whole story is, they’ll challenge him to get all the information, challenge him to consider all sides/aspects of what happened so that he can learn and prevent such a situation from playing out again; rather than indulging in victimization and powerlessness (and thus inviting a replay, as he then won’t see how things could have gone differently).

Here, he slid off the couch (very softly) and went into an emotional experience about it, demanding I help him get up. Seeing what had happened and seeing he was totally fine physically, I told him to get up himself. He wasn’t very pleased with it but got himself up, and as a way of retaliation for not getting his way, where I didn’t indulge him in his emotional experience of victimization – he took a toy and hit it on my arm. I took the toy away from him while giving him a strong NO.  He then ran off to Maite who was busy doing dishes, crying and moaning about his previous aw, blaming me for the experience. Maite explained to him what happened and we all sat together going over what happened, until he settled down and moved on.

It’s interesting to see and play out – him being a toddler, it is overly obvious what game he is playing. Yet, this game is a game we adults know all too well, but often don’t see it or identify it as such. Whenever something happens where we feel disempowered or ‘wronged’, it’s easier to paint off other people as being ‘the boogeyman’, it’s easier to point fingers and blame others, to gossip about another behind their backs, to only focus and see ‘our side of the story’ – rather than looking at all aspects and dimensions which played out, identifying and seeing where we contributed to the situation and experience we find ourselves in and taking responsibility for it.

It’s fascinating to see how young we already start playing out these patterns, but I am grateful for the support and people around me to equally already start at a young age to show how he can live and incorporate the correction. Not only for him, but a good reminder for us adults too! Through watching him grow and develop, seeing the quirky patterns come up – I get to introspect on myself, see how and who I have become today. As much as I’m parenting him, I’m also parenting – or re-patterning – myself to become the person I would like to be and become.

The End and the Beginning

mother son birth leilazamoramoreno

Flashback…
Oh how I did not know what I was getting myself into! The last few months of pregnancy had been such a rough ride, I didn’t really care what was about to unfold – I was just happy that the pain and strain of carrying a baby inside was over. The few days at the hospital were nice for my body to recover but I couldn’t wait to get out and get the parenting journey started for real. Because Cesar’s blood sugar levels were low I couldn’t see him much as they wanted to keep close tabs on him. This was quite rough for me because I wanted nothing more than keeping him close to me and embrace his presence. Though in the moments that I had him with me I had so many insecurity and doubts about myself and how I would be as a mother that the slightest cry of him set off a tornado of conflicting emotions. I wanted him close – but I didn’t know how to soothe him, let alone direct all the experiences rushing around inside myself – being glad and sad when someone would come to take him off my hands.
Holding this new, frail life inside your hands, being completely dependent on you – it brings up so many experiences, worries, insecurities and doubts. It brings who you are and what you have been living into a whole new perspective, and the only way to go forward is to change all those parts of you so you can be in the best possible position to support another life. There’s really nothing quite like it. The responsibility is immense, the gifts that flow from it are great.

#flashback #birth #hospital #baby #firsttimemom #selfreflection #introspection #mother #newlife #dependency #responsibility #giftofparenting

Desire to Protect

toddler protect consequence diminish leilazamoramoreno

 

More on manifested consequence….
Another point which links into my previous post – is that I’ve found a strong urge to want to protect Cesar from manifested consequence – or give him direction from a starting point of how I think things should be…instead of what they really are. This comes from my own relationship with myself which in turn comes from my parents – where I believe I need to be protected and cannot handle the response ability of walking what needs to be done. When I project this unto Cesar, I am assuming that his response ability is limited and that he is unable to walk what needs to be walked. When I treat him as such, then that is exactly what I create without even giving him a chance and giving him the actual tools and direction to support him in what needs to be faced. He will be ill equipped and there will be no one else to blame but me. So it is time I stop protecting ‘myself’ as the limited version I’ve accepted of myself – and instead walk and see what it is I am actually capable of – so that in turn, he too can see and explore  what he is capable of and not be held back by ideas.

#parenting #fear #projections #mind #sinsofthefathers #reflection #introspection #selfbelief #responsibility #limitations #selfexpansion

What I Want vs What is Reality

toddler crying black and white frustration leilazamoramoreno

One of the points I have been bumping into over and over in my parenting journey is that of what I want vs what is reality. I for instance envisaged a relationship with my son that would be tear and frustration free. So what would happen is that he’d go through frustration, crying and tantrums – and I would always bring it back to myself and see how I can change so that he could change. But then there always comes a point where I have gone over every single point and dimension and yet He is still FRUSTRATED!!! Cause he is in a limited body, going through painful processes. So what I noticed is that I want everything to be ‘perfectly okay’ and hold on to a ‘perfect life’ I want for us. But the reality is – that we are not in a perfect world. We face real limitations around every corner. And yes, this limitations ‘ought not to be here’ – but they are here. I see, that I lose my patience, that I want things to be fixed RIGHT NOW – losing sight of the bigger picture, where the reality we are in is one of manifested consequence and there is no escaping these consequences. Losing sight of the time and space it is going to take to walk out of these consequences and create something new. We all have to walk and face the same consequences, adult and children alike. And it gets to me to see children, my own son, having to face and walk through already manifested consequence. I wish they could come into this world without having any part of this mess. But unfortunately once you enter this world, you share this world and you share the responsibility to walk through the consequence. It sucks, but it’s what is needed to be walked. We have to make peace with what already has been done, and move our vision forward to what still can become – and do our damnest best to get there.

#realitycheck #manifestedconsequence #responsibility #regret #lettinggo #makepeace #moveforward #chinup #letsdothis

Copy Cats

toddler copy cat mirror example

As a parent, we are living examples of what it means to be an adult in this world. The example we would like our children to live up to, is not always what we live ourselves. We may say one thing but our behavior conveys something different. We may expect certain behavior from them but not live it ourselves. Our children may display behavior where we wonder ‘where they got it from’, only realizing too late that it came from us. Children’s eyes are always looking and observing – learning from us and seeking our guidance unconditionally. Nothing gets past children, no matter how hard we try to hide it. It’s our responsibility to meet their unconditional trust with being the best living example we can be, not settling for anything less.

#children #toddler #copycat #copy #imitate #lookup #trust #parents #parenting #mother #motherhood #livebyexample #positiveparenting #desteni

That’s not my job!

toddler dog bowls

Here Cesar is attending to another one of his response-abilities that he has made his own. Every day as we walk past or go into the main house, Cesar makes a point of it to spot the dogbowls on the floor from the dogs their last feed. He picks them up and puts them on the dogfeeding table, readily available for the next feed. This reminded me of Bernard saying how one must be careful about seeing something which needs to be done, where we see/perceive it as ‘work’ or ‘not my task’ / ‘not my responsibility’ and so will leave a point undirected, even when it is in our ability to respond and direct it. As long as we keep to doing the bare minimum, that which we think is ‘ours to do’, we will never move reality past what it is today.

I’ve found that when I resist doing simple physical actions which require my attention, i am stuck in some form of ambition rooted in self-interest. “I need to do more important things, I have no time for this”. Within this trying to achieve or reconfirm some idea or personality of myself. It’s cool to see how children have no concept of ‘work’ , they only see individual actions or tasks at hand. They don’t mind helping with laundry, picking up a broom and sweeping for an hour, even though the entire room just got swept. They are not wondering about “the more important things they could be doing instead”. We are here, day in and day out, breath in and breath out – what is there to achieve?

#toddler #lessonsfromchildren #zenkids #parenting #parenthood #motherhood #mother #responsibility #livingwords #example #mindlessness #awareness #desteni