In this episode of Redefining Education – Live Conversations with Real people on the Future of Education, we are speaking with Leila Zamora Moreno, mother to a toddler and actively working on bringing parenting ‘back to self’. We discuss what it means to bring parenting back to self, and why it is so important that we as parents learn to, not only take self-responsibility in our parenting, but also how to trust ourselves to parent in a way that is best for our child, despite what societal norms may dictate as ‘good parenting’. We discuss why changing the way we parent, is ultimately a step towards changing the world.
For the past couple of days, Cesar has been peeing and pooing in his potty or peeing and pooing outside in the grass. We let him be without diaper and he would pee and poo as it would come up, at which point we would point out that he is ‘peeing’ and ‘pooing’ to start establishing the vocabulary around ‘potty training’. Initially I had reactions to him peeing and pooing all over the place – though also seeing that he really liked not having to wear a diaper. I saw myself showing him to pee and poo outside or in the potty with some slight reactions – but could see that regardless of this slightest reaction, his facial expression showed that this was affecting him in those moments and would start being ‘confused’ about peeing and pooing and not knowing how to direct himself. The reactions had to do with morality beliefs around being ‘bad’ for peeing/pooing all over the place. Comparing him to other children / stories that I had heard. Not having the patience for him to establish his understanding / not wanting to be seen as a ‘bad parent’ that he is peeing all over the place etc. So I decided to let him pee and poo as he was, to keep working on the vocabulary and to only direct him towards the potty, toilet (which he doesn’t find comfortable yet with a toddler seat on top) when I would inside myself be absolutely clear and stable. Then the one day as I saw he was about to pee on the floor, it just came natural to explain to him to pee and poo in the potty or outside. There was no emotional attachment and the words flowed naturally. He immediately moved to the potty to pee and he hasn’t been peeing or pooing all over the place since. He goes to the potty / outside when he is able to – or comes to us saying what he needs to do.
The main point that stood out for me is to not underestimate a child’s understanding and willingness to cooperate – regardless of how small their vocabulary may be. That our emotions and reactions stand in the way of effective communication and the absolute necessity to first always reflect back to ourselves and clear out ANY movement before even looking at the role another plays in any situation.
Looking back at the beginning when I just met Charlie, we’ve come a long way. He was quite the angry, pissy horse – me the reserved and insecure girl. We went through our ups and downs together and both had to change a lot to make our relationship work. Seeing him with Cesar, being such a gentle beast – dropping his head so Cesar can stroke it, rubbing his head against his – it’s small moments like this that remind me of the path we’ve walked together. BACK THEN – I would have never been able to conceive being where I am at now. Even looking back, I feel like I missing ‘how it happen’ – as it weren’t any big steps ‘here and there’ – but small things, moment by moment. Changing something here, changing something there – that overtime accumulated into something completely new.
When we walk through life, we never really know where we are going or what we are creating down the line. I think if we knew, we wouldn’t even want to believe it!
So here’s to everyone making effort to make little changes in small moments: they do add up, and may the end result surprise you!
Cesar keeps surprising me with how in-tuned he is with his body. He knows what he wants and when he wants it. When he is going through an upcoming teething patch, he starts looking for our homeopathic teething support remedy and bottle. Pointing at all the usual places where it is stored and ‘pretending’ to put them in his mouth so we can get an idea of what he is looking for. The teething comes with lots of unsettledness and the adrenaline which is coupled to the pain leaves him being tired but unable to sleep. So when I made myself a cup of catnip chamomile tea – which was standing among many cups on my desk (yes, guilty of cup hoarding) – he insisted he wanted THAT cup with WHATEVER’S IN THERE (catnip works as a sedative and chamomile is calming and relaxing). I shared my tea with him and he grounded himself in no time.
When we’re not sure if he is going through teething or growing pains – we show him our different bottles of homeopathic support and tissue salts – and he will pick up or point at the one he is needing. If he is hungry he will run to the fridge and tell us what he wants to eat (or maybe just play with).
We never forced any foods on him but always presented him with choices, and sharing the food we eat ourselves. If he wants to eat it, he eats it. If he wants to chew on it and spit it out, then he can do that. If he just wants to look at it and touch it – that’s fine too. We knew that inherently, the body knows what it needs and when it needs it, and did not want to impose any of our own preferences of foods on him. He’s a healthy boy who can make his own food choices, and knows when he needs additional support from nature.
#toddler #baby #body #intune #listentoyourbody #thebodyknows #trust #diets #regimes #health #lifestyle #parenting #mother #motherhood #children #upbringing #food
Today Cesar insisted that I not stick around and keep an eye on him while he played on the porch. Each time I came to look he would send me back into the house. First I had some coffee and would peep once in a while through the window. He’d be randomly bouncing against the wall or laying on the floor moving his arms and legs around (like a snow angel). Since I had some unexpected time available I decided to bake up a batch of crunchies! Cesar has these surprising moments where he takes some time to take care of me. Today when he was sending me away,I could really use a break and it came in timely. The other night I was really tired and hanging around in his bed/couch half falling asleep, and then he took my glasses from my face, put them on the bedside table and tapped on our bed,calling me to join him – and we went to sleep together. You never know when you will receive some of what you give
#parenting #toddler #baby #play #supervise #independence #giveandreceive
As a parent, we are living examples of what it means to be an adult in this world. The example we would like our children to live up to, is not always what we live ourselves. We may say one thing but our behavior conveys something different. We may expect certain behavior from them but not live it ourselves. Our children may display behavior where we wonder ‘where they got it from’, only realizing too late that it came from us. Children’s eyes are always looking and observing – learning from us and seeking our guidance unconditionally. Nothing gets past children, no matter how hard we try to hide it. It’s our responsibility to meet their unconditional trust with being the best living example we can be, not settling for anything less.
#children #toddler #copycat #copy #imitate #lookup #trust #parents #parenting #mother #motherhood #livebyexample #positiveparenting #desteni