There is no Reward in being Yourself (or is there?)

When we come into this world, we come into it without an idea of ourselves. There’s no ‘thinking space’ to calculate our behavior and ponder things over. There’s only the direct expression of what is here, and a limited way of communicating what is here because everyone else that you depend on is communicating on another level, and you’ve not yet learnt the construct as language to make yourself be heard by others. As babies our communication is not actually limited. I would dare to say that is actually more capable of complex transfer of words and ideas than we are capable of through our language. It can be easy to say ‘but language is the only way to communicate’ – yet the animal kingdom clearly shows us: this is not so. It is only that we have separated ourselves from what is here as physical reality that we have lost access to that level of communication. The baby, like the animal, is communicating – but we’re not present as ourselves in that aspect of reality so we think and believe it does not exist. Now it is up to the baby to go through a painstakingly slow process of learning ‘our way of communication’ to make itself heard and be part of the ‘reality of humans’

We can cry and scream for something we need, and our parents, clueless to what we need as they are not clued in to physical reality – go through what they think, believe and perceive ‘you may need’ based on their own limited thinking. Whatever you need, is not being met and most of the time – you get punished for it, as your way of communication and your needs are ‘messing up’ and ‘inconveniencing’ their established reality. Soon enough, you give up – because whenever you are being yourself and expressing what’s here for you, you’re not met. You could say that this is pretty much the conception of gaslighting. Not that your parents are deliberately trying to gaslight you and make me you question your reality and sanity, it’s just that you are living in two different realities at the same time. Your reality does not make sense to them, and their reality does not make sense to you.

This puts us in a difficult situations. Because there’s the physical reality you’re in, which your parents bodies are also occupying while they live mostly through their minds. And you need these physical bodies, to do things for you, so that you can survive. But you don’t speak the same language. So now we start coping, we start adapting, we observe and learn what type of stimulation our parents respond and which ones they don’t and which ones invite undesirable consequence. We now have to create a ‘thinking space’ and no longer express ourselves directly, cause that’s falling on deaf ears. The baby who would be screaming cause he is hungry and being ignored ‘because he can’t possibly still be hungry’ learns that when he can say his first words and say he is hungry, but mommy ignores him because she thinks he must be making it up – he learns that when he says ‘mommy doesn’t love me’ that suddenly his mother springs into action because he’s hurt her feelings and she wants to reinstate a feeling ‘good’ about herself again. What we learn is the language and reality of emotions and feelings, that people do not respond to what is here as physical reality , unless you can create, spike or ignite some positive or negative feeling in their emotional body that incentivizes them to do something.

The unfortunate side effect here, is that as we get more proficient in this language of the mind as the plane of existence our parents and everyone else is stuck in (and mind you, it’s not even a shared plane of existence, within this overlay everyone has their own ‘personal bubble’ of what they think, perceive, believe and feel reality is like – which is why even though adults live and all speak through the mind – they still can’t get to a point of agreement and keep fighting each other) – we start to lose ourselves within it, internalize it, make it our own and forget that there was ever a different aspect of reality as the ONE HERE we were part of.

Amnesia sets in and we believe this is all we ever were and all we will ever be. Victims to pain and pleasure, victims to desire and fear.

Then, if by some fortunate circumstance we start to question our reality and ourselves, we may find ourselves wanting to ‘get back home’, get back to physical reality. You change your own relationship to negative and positive stimulus, you start questioning why you behave the way you do, how come there is so much separation and conflict and realize it comes from living and operating through the mind as a separate plane of existence and decide to get back to Earth, the Physical.

But then… The same thing happens again. People start turning against you, fight you, abandon you, ignore you, neglect you – and still – you are dependent on other people to live on this world. Just like when you were a baby. And now you start questioning yourself again. Is it really worth it? There’s no reward here. I just become another blind spot in people’s existence, I’m all alone – “again”. Not that it’s really ‘again’ cause you were already alone, you just didn’t ‘feel it’ because you had others who were in agreement with you, even if it was an illusion (= ill vision) you agreed upon.

It is hard to walk this journey to Life, to our way back Home when there’s very little other people ‘home’, and the few people you are sharing the journey with are also still figuring out the path. Where we’re all still busy seeing and exploring what leads us Home and what we thought would lead us Home, only to take us deeper into the Mind — and then start again.

There’s not really many people who hear you, see you, and agree with you – that confirm: you are not insane. That what we have perceived as sane has really just been the shared illusion and delusion we bought into. And yet, there was no real peace found there either. And so it is easy to sit on the fence, to have one foot in the one reality and one in the other. Yet, this leaves you nowhere in particular. Cause you never really get to ‘be here’ and ‘see the real you’, the ‘physical you’, cause you keep having a vested interest in still being a part of and living within and through the mind reality. And you never really get to know, live and explore what it is like to be here as physical reality, to be here as everything. To see yourself within everything, to care for everything and everyone equal as and to yourself. At the same time, you’re not succeeding and ‘getting anywhere’ in the mind reality either – you’re in a lose-lose position.

That’s where I have to remind myself that “no one will come to prove you but yourself”. You may not ever get any ‘rewards’ for you self realizing yourself in the form of other people hearing, seeing, recognizing you and agreeing with you – because it’s not about getting that external reward. You have to truly do it for yourself. You have to Re-Ward yourself , place yourself back as the Warden of your Life, of Life itself. The Guardian and Keeper of Life.

Right now, there’s not many people Home as the Here of Physical Reality. But even so, wouldn’t it be nice to already start populating this Home for those still on the journey, for those yet to make the decision to embark on the journey, for those yet to come?